Amidst global worries of population, pollution, food security, gender rights, the financial slay market, and raging politics, there is that one person in each of us, looking for that ONE person, to sing that ONE love song. That one person who fits the last scene of ” Notebook” frame . And then one can peacefully look at their own framed picture on the wall, with a air wick garland too. All eternal, siamese twin turned lover types, who would win all dance reality shows , because of the impeccable sync and bountiful love.They say. Not me.
But Wait. Then….an argument starts on disparity between 15-24 -28 degrees,over the AC. ( I have been shameless enough to switch off the AC also at times ! ) Heroine can dance in pastel chiffon , open back in Switzerland, but can’t have her back, have her side during quilt realities. The hero can do some stunts in blood and rain, ( which Jim Carrey manages anyway like a piece of cake ,only with his face out there!) ….. but can’t get the quilt and the AC to agree to COEXIST before he even decides to coexist with something called a wo(e)man. Brave.
That’s when trouble starts. Now the two people who met in coffee shops and other plausible areas of coital coexistence, have already made plans to find galaxies in each other eyes, even if they end up finding black holes there! But when the black holes actually appear under the eyes,post lack of sleep, the same galaxy now looks like a huge roadblock to the big O. ( The smaller Os don’t count. Ape shit we don’t count. Sorry.) Fluffy, groggy eyes with dried mascara and eyeliner lying in chunks of famine struck land on the eye lid, can be scarier than alien abduction alerts.
Now a week ago, while you were stargazing from a field, from a terrace, car tailgate , ( I am yet to lie on the top of a car though, and see something apart from crows ! Check.) , in the centre of nuclear explosion, you promised that you will sail through life TOGETHER in high speed , musical action sequence , colour corrected, without no complains of the vertigo effect of shot taking . But then when one of them comes back home to see the other sleeping peacefully after ruining their sleep, that frame , that height, vertigo hits you right there. Along with Charlie Sheen alter ego.
Holding hands, promising eternity and ravenously fulfilling lovemaking, between the sheets and outside the sheets is exemplary . Overwhelming indeed. In fact, cuddling up to sleep, whilst you are just about getting into the slumber is great. Very therapeutic too. We don’t mind the momentary feeling of being a puppy. But when you get into a deep slumber and here the puppy is strangulated between your arms or between Silicon valley, you will truly know what they meant when they said Love can kill . Chokingly, panting, your attempt to take your neck and face out of such clutches is as good as Depp’s psychotropic tongue expanding hallucination sequence in Fear and Loathing in Vegas. Just this time, its for real . So once you have screwed that up with your not so unbearable lightness of being, at least refer to a science book or use your brain. Or just sleep over it.
Obviously, morning sessions are great. Scientifically speaking too, totally recommended for that instagram glow on the face in real time. But why should you be privileged to it ,when sleep is half ruined, your stomach is grumbling, your digestion has gone for a toss, you have been kicked , sprawled upon, and made to turn into space hungry scavenger throughout the night. When the body finally gave up struggling to find a spot, it relented to a corner. Now you want to surprise me with G spot discovery after literally putting me in a spot ,throughout the night and not caring about the fact there would a light sleeper who can kill a few nations at one go. But then that look of anger , is usually mistaken for some unforeseen roleplay which only happens in the well slept , overactive partner’s head. You want the big O? FO.
No, we don’t have a problem with snoring. But instead of figuring out why you are snoring and attending to it, you are serving me with sounds which can range from anything in between a grunt, a gruelling start to a bullet engine, a hot wheels tokyo drift, and at times were wolf whistles. Yes, it’s very difficult to blend in ,right after watching “Serendipity” or even ” Sherlock Holmes” . Go ask a Hans Zimmer or even Taher Shah for that matter, if such landsliding snores were of any use to my BGM score. Some momentum which you otherwise apply before crashing , can be well carried into sleep. Its the secret ,positions hold. Know your sleeping positions well.
Now, that my day is anyway half groggy, because it started in a frenzy of sheer shocks to my REM state as well , I would still make you nice breakfast and prefer NOT talking about how you think I should be taking more vitamins as I am looking weak . Why dont you rather get rid of the wi fi , and you keep on blaming your insomnia for lack of sleep, till you pass out like as if you are undergoing a training camp of how to die in multiple positions. You know what it feels like? It feels like I am admitted into a hospital, where so much goes on that bed , minus sleep. Those are the exact times when even if you are Ryan Gosling, I would think of you as a bare bodied, 90s hairy Anil Kapoor, and thats a better buzzkill to rather get some sleep than imagining Connie Carter or Scarlett to join you .Did you ever notice how love and sleep have the same “fall” before them to reach its end?
Obviously when one has finally spent a whole day, almost feeling like my coffee needs another coffee to keep me awake, and toothpicks in the other hand to keep my eyes from shutting, I have gazed through meetings with a dead straight face, when financial year was being discussed for appraisal and all I had wanted is to lie down on that conference table or even on the floor below, You welcome me home with surprise of a party back home. Anniversary is a week away , but one has to smile and get spice back in the relationship because mornings are getting wonkier. How difficult it is to understand , that you cant’ take me to bed, simply because nothing in that bed is mine anymore !! 😦 ( I rather meet you on the floor and die there while you can be Ramdev on bed ! Alone. )
So to cut a long story of coexistence short, it’s imperative to ….SLEEP WITH THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE WITH. I promise I will ruffle your hair, pull you close and keep you there too.I promise I will love you with all my heart , mind, body ,soul (sole, too),and will yell at you slightly lesser with my OCD bouts and maybe have a complete impromptu party when you least expect it . ( If I am in a good mood, You will get awesome massages before you pass out). But first, Sleep and let sleep. Mother, Father, Brother, Lover, and the one who is yet to hear that One song. Much more than Zayn Malik’s Pillowtalk. Much Much more
Give your close ones, the right to sleep . It would reap benefits, much more than any stock exchange could ever give you.
(Oh I wish I could tell you my dreams, as a part of the benefits of the sleep package, but then that would only ruin more sleep 😉 )
Lots of forthcoming love in anticipation .
A sleep deprived Calamity Jane.